I can barely believe that I'm here.

Having applied for this residency in 2019, and having originally been accepted and scheduled to visit in 2020 (you can guess what happened to that plan) makes being here now a bit surreal. It's been a place in my imagination (and in my social media feed) for years, so now, standing on the grounds in person, meeting all of these incredibly inspiring, creative folks... I've been a bit speechless since I arrived!

The arrival day, welcome gathering and first full day were wonderful but a bit overwhelming for this introvert, if I'm honest. After a social breakfast and a big errand run (we're about 45 minutes away from a larger town with shops etc - this 'town' has a population of about 70 from what I understand!) and lunch with the group as well yesterday, I went up to my studio thinking, ok, this is the moment you can finally start making something! And then.... nothing. My energy was so spent that I just sat down and started worrying. I worried about the light in my studio; I worried about the lack of all the gear that I'm used to having at my fingertips; I worried about how many croissants I'd consumed in the past few days (jk, no such thing as too many croissants) and I started to feel completely immobilized. And then that feeling, of course, led to more serious worries.

What if I came all this way and I can't do this? Like, what if I make nothing while I'm here?

When those kinds of thoughts start wedging their way in, sitting in the studio is a bad idea (for me, at least.) So even though it was the first chunk of time I'd had free to spend in the studio since my arrival, I left. I had a quiet moment in my room in Maison de la Vigne in the village, I went for a wee walk, and I looked for light. Because light always helps.

As I was fleeing the studio and all of my worries, I decided that I'd start the next day out fresh with a wander in the woods to gather some of the natural elements from the area that I could use in a still life. When I'm creatively stuck, or even just energetically stuck, building and photographing a still life is like medicine for me.

A couple of my fellow artists in residence mentioned that they'd be interested in joining, so three of us wandered off down a farm road at the end of town this morning. Walking in the woods with artists is kind of amazing, because no one leaves you behind while you take 27 photos of a slug on the ground, or as you take your time to get juuuust the right shot of that one tree :)

We made it back to the chateau just in time for lunch and a with a fresh cup of coffee, some tunes in my headphones, and all the spoils of my walk laid out in front of me, I felt so much better up in my studio.

And, alas, the light in there actually turned out to be kind of amazing.